1 00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:17,270 Good job. 2 00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,730 It's great what you see when you don't have a gun. 3 00:01:39,070 --> 00:01:41,690 I didn't realise I didn't know this. 4 00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:43,870 Your secret's safe with me. 5 00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:46,590 Do you want a lift? 6 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,540 educated in their native tongue. 7 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:29,900 Marvellous. 8 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,020 And do you like speaking in the galley? 9 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:34,760 Oh, 10 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:37,860 it's like poetry, isn't it? 11 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,080 Yes, well, start from young. 12 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:42,820 Now, we've had the poster printed up a lot today. 13 00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:47,240 Oh, Norma just worked on it now. You can't plan too carefully. There's a lot 14 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,240 still to be done. 15 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,640 Oh, I've spoken to Isabella about the choir and that sort of thing. Where? To 16 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,680 the bar? Oh, God. 17 00:02:54,510 --> 00:02:57,430 I must warn you about the McTurk and confirm. I'll see you on Thursday. 18 00:02:57,650 --> 00:02:58,650 Bye. 19 00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,090 Let's go back. 20 00:03:01,550 --> 00:03:02,550 So, 21 00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:07,570 uh, you're a writer, are you? 22 00:03:08,130 --> 00:03:09,130 Of sorts. 23 00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:11,510 What sort? 24 00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:13,450 Nothing you'll have heard of. 25 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:15,090 You never know. 26 00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:17,190 I read under a pen name. 27 00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:20,750 Then what would that be? 28 00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:23,190 No, really. 29 00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:24,230 No, no, come on, I'm interested. 30 00:03:25,610 --> 00:03:26,610 Sadler. 31 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,250 Aye? 32 00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:29,930 Chuck Sadler. 33 00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:37,290 Chuck Sadler? 34 00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,890 The Chuck Sadler? 35 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,110 Well, yes, I suppose so, yes. 36 00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:45,910 Bleach skulls in the sunset. 37 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,430 Dead man's gulch. 38 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,720 That bit where Luke Kincaid shoots Jed McGlone through the skeleton of the 39 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:54,720 buffalo. 40 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,720 You're a gifted writer, Paul. You've read it, haven't you? I'm amazed. 41 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,880 Read it? Read them all, me. 42 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:03,660 Chuck Sadler. 43 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:06,720 Chuck Sadler. 44 00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:22,370 I wish. I'll fetch the new book. 45 00:04:23,670 --> 00:04:24,670 Come on. 46 00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:44,530 You've fairly been doing the plate up. Oh, don't mention it. 47 00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,290 Here we are. 48 00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,050 The cowhands' revenge. 49 00:04:48,490 --> 00:04:49,490 Fresh from the press. 50 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,240 Would you like me to sign it for you? Fine. 51 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,840 To Hamish. 52 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,760 From Chuck Sadler. 53 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,400 Oh, with the power and the gift of gas. 54 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,580 Oh, my God, he's been quoting bums at you. 55 00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,140 Hello! 56 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,080 P .C. Macbeth. 57 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:33,620 Hamish, please. 58 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,860 Now, you'll be coming on Thursday. 59 00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,580 Oh, I'm not much of a committee man. 60 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:41,200 No, but we'll need you. Loch Dooday's being expanded. The road will need to be 61 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,059 blocked off. 62 00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:44,800 Normally just park a bailer in the middle of the high street. Eight o 63 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,300 sharp. Here's the draft agenda. 64 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,040 What you got there? 65 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,360 A dead crow. 66 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:52,300 A what? 67 00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:55,240 Must have kicked it out in the garden. 68 00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:59,240 Well, take it out of here, for God's sake. 69 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,720 I must change. 70 00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:01,900 Paul, 71 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:05,180 would you give... Hamish. Hamish a cup of tea? 72 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,820 Ah, some people have got no patience, eh, Jock? 73 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:55,700 Er, Mr. McRae? 74 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,040 Mr. 75 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:00,320 McRae? 76 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,040 Mr. 77 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,400 McRae? 78 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,260 Come and hide to, Mr. McRae. 79 00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:20,840 Aye. Oh, what a marvellous shed. 80 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,920 It was lovely early this morning. Aye. We'll pay for it now, then, eh? 81 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,620 Could I have a word? 82 00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:34,940 Aye, talk away. 83 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:39,540 I hear that you've got an old hand loom in your shed. 84 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:45,920 Aye. Yes, well, we've decided to dress up the hall as an authentic... 85 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,600 Oh, please. 86 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,960 It wouldn't take long, surely. 87 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,240 You have to instruct me on black holes. 88 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,320 To hell with a pile of stones. 89 00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,140 What about my tyre? 90 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,420 It's a piece of rubber. 91 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,840 You can't compare it with the heritage your forefathers left you, Hamish. 92 00:08:55,940 --> 00:09:00,480 Hamish, look, Hamish, I want this lifted for criminal damages to my tractor. 93 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:03,440 Hamish, will you kindly contact the planning department in Vanessa? 94 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:07,940 This man is guilty of destroying a lifted building. Excuse me, excuse me. 95 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,920 know how much a new tyre costs? A fortune. 96 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,900 Shut up. 97 00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:15,920 Honestly, are you going to punish her? Why don't we all just calm down? 98 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,090 Well, I'm bloody well not. 99 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:19,550 No wonder. 100 00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:23,310 The destruction of our black house... Don't you dare talk to me about 101 00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:26,910 destruction. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You mentioned a listed building. It's not 102 00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:30,790 And you're talking about, what, 10 quid damage to a tyre? Well, maybe 20. 103 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:34,730 Look, Lachie, it is not the money. It is the principle of the thing. 104 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:35,950 Exactly. 105 00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:37,470 Cup of tea. 106 00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:53,810 Yes, it is. 107 00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:55,590 Come in, Hamish. Hi, there. 108 00:09:56,310 --> 00:09:57,209 For you, Paul. 109 00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:58,210 Oh, thank you. 110 00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:01,850 OK, Hamish. 111 00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:05,810 Thanks so much for smoothing over the tractor and stuff. Oh, it was nothing. 112 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,470 No more dead crows, I hope? No, no, no. 113 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:09,730 Ah, well, then. 114 00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:10,870 Are you enjoying the book? 115 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,610 You know, Paul, I haven't in a minute. I was joking. 116 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:17,110 So am I. It was great. It's the best yet. Oh, thank you. 117 00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:18,469 Come on in. 118 00:10:18,470 --> 00:10:20,350 We took 48 pounds at the gate. 119 00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:21,890 At the Tombola store. 120 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:25,350 That'll be the police here to check the books, Cameron. Lovely to see you, 121 00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,070 Hamish. Now, you sit down here. 122 00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,210 Isabel? 123 00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:34,930 Oh, you'd better pop that in the fridge. A wee jock was lying on it. What do you 124 00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:36,130 drink, Hamish? A heather beer. 125 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,310 Heather beer. Lovely, yeah. 126 00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:48,440 I was just pointing out that in the last fiscal year... Locked due day return 127 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,840 the deficit of £25 .33. 128 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,880 I view this matter with no small degree of concern. 129 00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:59,960 If a rollover budget is to be considered... Goodness sake, Mr Diggs, 130 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,660 irrelevant. I've been on to Highland Region, and they'll give us a lost 131 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:05,000 guarantee of £2 ,500. 132 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,340 Oh. Oh, I see. 133 00:11:08,220 --> 00:11:13,280 But even so, a lost guarantee is not the same as project funding. What's a few 134 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,100 pounds matter when your culture is at stake? 135 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,650 Culture? Is it not just a piss -up at the pub? 136 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,130 Rory. 137 00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:29,310 I know you won't mind me saying this, but that is just the sort of attitude 138 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:31,150 that's left the Highlands in the state they are today. 139 00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:37,890 Barney and me are happy to open the doors of the hotel anyway, and we've 140 00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:40,090 a bouncy castle, as usual. 141 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:43,890 Actually, I've cancelled the bouncy castle. 142 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,640 Since when? 143 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,180 Oh, Vicky here thought that... I don't think a bouncy castle's quite the sort 144 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:56,920 tone we're looking for here. Now, I've contacted the Sealed Knot Society, and 145 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,980 they'll recreate the Battle of the Devil's Humps. 146 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:04,360 There'll be a Gaelic cookery competition, the choir all sing, and 147 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,180 course, there's the Travelling Tartan Roadshow. The tourists will love it. 148 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:12,860 for the ceilidh... Esme usually handles the ceilidh. We'll be getting Willie 149 00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,400 Muirhead's band over from Northam. 150 00:12:15,079 --> 00:12:15,819 Won't we? 151 00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,740 Well, Vicky's been suggesting some new ideas. 152 00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:22,200 But... Barney. What? 153 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,500 Would you be an angel? 154 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,720 Aye, right. 155 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:27,700 Me? 156 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,800 How much is all this going to cost? 157 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:35,660 I'd already paid the deposit on the bouncy castle. 158 00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:40,020 I'm afraid you'll really have to ask Vicky. 159 00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:49,110 Clapshaw. 160 00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:54,630 Sorry? Clapshaw. It's boiled cabbage and potatoes garnished with salt and 161 00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:58,890 oatmeal. And this is clootie dumpling. 162 00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:16,470 What? 163 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,040 Hello? 164 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,200 Bruce? 165 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:53,420 D .I. Bruce, good morning, sir. 166 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,620 No, it was non -stop here yesterday, sir. 167 00:13:58,180 --> 00:13:59,180 A flag? 168 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,380 No, I don't think so. 169 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:04,840 Threats? 170 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,200 To the settlers. 171 00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,340 Extreme nationalist? 172 00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:11,540 No, I don't think so, sir. 173 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,840 Why is the grave here, sir? 174 00:14:27,069 --> 00:14:30,070 Snip that there. 175 00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:31,890 Get rid of that. 176 00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:40,470 And a wee drop of varnish over there. 177 00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:42,930 Like that. 178 00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:49,810 And there you are. 179 00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:52,310 That's marvellous. 180 00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:54,830 It's nothing like a fly. 181 00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:57,750 It's not meant to be a fly. 182 00:14:58,630 --> 00:14:59,750 This one's a wee shrimp. 183 00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:05,690 But it's more the memory of a wee shrimp. 184 00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:11,110 I mean, if it actually looked like a shrimp, then you wouldn't catch 185 00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:12,930 Correct. 186 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,950 Bit bright for the pea trout, though. 187 00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:16,470 Night's bit. 188 00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:18,130 What do you mean, you fish in the dark? 189 00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:24,030 Orange shrimp, fly, and an eight or a ten on a moonlit night. 190 00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:25,450 It's perfect. 191 00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,200 Oh, Hamish, there's a right rammy going on down at the pier. 192 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,460 Weapons are being brandished. 193 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,740 Aggies are break, John. There's a rise on here. But Agnes is threatening to 194 00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:39,740 murder Barney. 195 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:41,460 What are they arguing about? 196 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:42,900 It's a private matter. 197 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,040 Over to you, Paul. 198 00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:51,820 Oh, right, OK. 199 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,920 View of the world, eh? 200 00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,380 So what's the big secret? 201 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,820 Well, Agnes thinks Barney's having an affair with his wife. 202 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,800 Vicky? 203 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,420 And Barney? 204 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,100 Two and a half hours. 205 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,160 Two and a half hours, you're right there, Rahan. She wanted to look at my 206 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,200 Aye, and more. 207 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,479 Let's do. 208 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,720 She's going to decorate the hall with them. My head zips up the back. 209 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,920 Don't you walk away from me. Don't you walk away from me. Morning, Agnes. 210 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,620 Morning, Hamish. 211 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,720 Any chance of a cup of that lovely coffee of yours? 212 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,760 For you, Hamish, anything. 213 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,640 I'll see you later. 214 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,540 Barney, please. 215 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,800 I don't want any knife fights in... 216 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,500 Neither do I. 217 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,640 I'm going to give a hand with these up to the hall. 218 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,060 You mean Becky really does want them? 219 00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:07,260 Aye. 220 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,560 For the Cayley. 221 00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:11,980 She's going to construct a fishing -themed installation. 222 00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:14,579 All right. 223 00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:40,050 Okay. Now, can I have that once more, please? 224 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:43,090 Do you know, they never really wove tweed locally. 225 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,310 Yes, it was out in the islands mostly. 226 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:46,650 That's right. 227 00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,189 Where is it? 228 00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,630 Oh, here it is. 229 00:17:49,870 --> 00:17:53,910 Oh, well, er... Ah, will you just tag them over there in that corner, please, 230 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:54,910 gentlemen? Thanks. 231 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,490 Funny smell in here, you know. 232 00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:58,010 Don't you smell something? 233 00:17:58,610 --> 00:17:59,610 Maybe the cruse. 234 00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:02,930 No. Well, it's probably the fixing agent. 235 00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,170 Sorry? 236 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,940 I thought we ought to use a traditional fixing agent for the tree. 237 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,620 Traditional fixing agent. 238 00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:10,540 But not that right. 239 00:19:11,110 --> 00:19:12,870 This is beyond a joke, yes. 240 00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:20,010 Hamish, could you somehow let her know how the village feels? 241 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,130 A vendetta? 242 00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:27,050 Against me? 243 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:32,010 Oh, for goodness sake, Hamish. After all I've done for the community. 244 00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:34,230 Very delicate, that's all. 245 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:35,930 Vicky, these people can be dangerous. 246 00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:39,810 I mean, they've even threatened to burn people out in other places. 247 00:19:40,670 --> 00:19:46,010 Darling, the crow is the symbol of death. They're not scaring me or burning 248 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,010 out. 249 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:52,690 You can't give in to these people. 250 00:19:53,570 --> 00:19:58,930 Now, I didn't intend to take this any further, Hamish. But if you insist on 251 00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:03,270 personalising it, I'm sure your superiors in Inverness will be very 252 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:07,250 No, no, I don't think there's any need to involve them. I mean, if it's a local 253 00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,830 matter, I'll sort it out. 254 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,640 Well, you better do it soon then, haven't you? 255 00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:41,849 Where's your dad? 256 00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:43,630 Under a tractor last time I saw him. 257 00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:48,270 Tell him I want to work with him about a letter. What letter? Just tell him. 258 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:52,830 Hey! 259 00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:55,290 This thing M .O .T.'s. What? 260 00:20:55,610 --> 00:20:57,110 M .O .T.'s. 261 00:20:57,310 --> 00:21:01,110 No. What? Just ask him. 262 00:21:26,230 --> 00:21:27,590 Sorry. Isabel, can I have a word? 263 00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:30,690 Hang on. 264 00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:33,990 I'll just pop this off to the printer then open. You printed up by half three. 265 00:21:35,090 --> 00:21:36,450 New technology, Flora, eh? 266 00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:38,610 Can't it be doing me? 267 00:21:38,810 --> 00:21:40,530 Ask for a police horse to send me a Land Rover. 268 00:21:42,090 --> 00:21:43,110 Have a look at this. 269 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:05,820 Any idea where it came from? 270 00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:09,560 It's been cut up from an old copy of The Listener. 271 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,560 Is that it? 272 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,160 That's about all I can say. 273 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,500 2 ,000 copies a week. 274 00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:17,120 2 ,001. Well, that's good. 275 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,020 What about prints and all that forensic stuff? 276 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:21,620 Send it off to Inverness? 277 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,340 No, I'd rather trot this out, Moan. 278 00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:27,260 You OK? 279 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:28,700 Mm -hm. Listen, Isabel. 280 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:30,980 Keep this to yourself, eh? 281 00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:37,290 Oh, by the way, I was wondering, um... You going to the ceilidh? 282 00:22:38,410 --> 00:22:40,090 Well, I was supposed to be in it. 283 00:22:40,690 --> 00:22:41,690 Why? 284 00:22:41,850 --> 00:22:44,050 Well, could you look after a wee jock? I'm going fishing. 285 00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,490 Of course, Hamish. No trouble. 286 00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:33,540 Aye, well, it's not a letter I'd be sending her. 287 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,400 I'll ignore that. 288 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,380 I haven't the foggiest idea about that, Hamish. 289 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:43,580 You've been shooting crows, I see. 290 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,980 Oh, goodness gracious me, eh? 291 00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:49,540 My freedom to shoot vermin is to be curtailed, is it? 292 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,560 Aye, the ugly face of fascism, boy. 293 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,640 You're calling me a fascist? 294 00:23:56,860 --> 00:23:58,120 Well, if the cap fits, Hamish. 295 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,200 Look, I'll tell you this, Lachlan, this is bad. 296 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:01,920 This is very, very bad. 297 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,420 And when I find out who did it, they're in big, big trouble. 298 00:24:07,260 --> 00:24:09,600 Well, don't look at me, Hamish. I can't even spell. 299 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:12,800 Very good. 300 00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:14,820 Hamish? 301 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,200 Yes? 302 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,180 Half the village wants rid of our boy. Aye, and so does the other half. 303 00:24:27,630 --> 00:24:31,590 So it's crows nailed to doors and threatening letters now, eh? And how do 304 00:24:31,590 --> 00:24:32,429 know about that? 305 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:33,790 Isabel told me about the letter. 306 00:24:34,090 --> 00:24:35,990 I'm just after telling Isabel. 307 00:24:36,330 --> 00:24:37,430 She knew already. 308 00:24:38,390 --> 00:24:39,450 Rory told her. 309 00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:41,570 And the postman told him. 310 00:24:42,510 --> 00:24:48,310 And Esme told Agnes about the crow on account of her niece Kirsty hearing 311 00:24:48,310 --> 00:24:49,590 tell Cameron at the bank. 312 00:24:50,290 --> 00:24:52,170 Oh, serious place. 313 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:54,450 Unbelievable. 314 00:24:55,250 --> 00:24:56,650 I know, I know. 315 00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:01,680 You can't clean your ferret's cage out here without it being on CNN. 316 00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:03,540 You should know that. 317 00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:09,820 If you want my advice, let it all blow over. 318 00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:11,880 Maybe you're right. 319 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:16,080 As long as you can keep Inspector Bruce off your case. 320 00:25:16,460 --> 00:25:18,880 Bruce? What do you know about Bruce? 321 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,360 Oh, he's been screaming for you all day on the radio. 322 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,120 I told him you were out chasing poachers. 323 00:25:24,660 --> 00:25:25,660 Did he believe you? 324 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:26,940 The man's a balloon. 325 00:25:27,550 --> 00:25:28,590 Of course he believed me. 326 00:25:29,990 --> 00:25:33,650 Especially when I told him you might have a confiscated sea trout for him. 327 00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:47,110 The woman has poisoned the community. 328 00:25:47,370 --> 00:25:50,270 Aye. Here, have another wee drammy, Larkland. 329 00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,550 Aye, cheers. 330 00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:54,970 She's taken over the Cayley lock, stock and barrel. 331 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,820 Esme's fizzing. Would her such a moist thing do? 332 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,060 It's a terrible thing when the powers of darkness invade a man's private 333 00:26:03,060 --> 00:26:04,060 business. 334 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,640 You know she phoned the planning. The planning? 335 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,340 You should never mention my caravan, did you? 336 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,520 Aye, and her here not five minutes from Calvinside. 337 00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:27,620 Morningside. Eh? 338 00:26:28,180 --> 00:26:33,020 She comes from Morningside, not Calvinside. Ach, Morningside, 339 00:26:33,060 --> 00:26:34,600 Backside, they're all the bloody same. 340 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,100 Incomers telling us how to live our lives. Aye, and buying up all the good 341 00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:43,720 houses. So is local people like TV John here have to live in caravans without 342 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:44,720 planning permission? 343 00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:46,000 Aye. Hey, wait a minute. 344 00:26:47,060 --> 00:26:48,080 I'm an incomer. 345 00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:53,440 Aye, Barney, but I mean, there's incomers. 346 00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:56,500 There's incomers. 347 00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:11,500 Agnes. Have you seen Barney? 348 00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:13,460 No. 349 00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:21,900 Quiet the night, eh? 350 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,420 Look, I just popped in for a chat. There's been a wee bit of trouble, you 351 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,220 More than a wee bit, I'd say. 352 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,940 Look, there's no easy way of asking this, but there's been threats made to 353 00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:40,940 Jeffery. 354 00:27:42,420 --> 00:27:45,940 So you think it was me that sent them? No, no, no, I just, you know, I'm 355 00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:47,400 I'm just here. 356 00:27:47,980 --> 00:27:48,980 Hamish. 357 00:27:50,050 --> 00:27:51,370 Barney and me, we've been here, what? 358 00:27:52,410 --> 00:27:53,410 Five years now. 359 00:27:55,030 --> 00:27:56,030 We're accepted. 360 00:27:56,990 --> 00:27:58,050 We go with the flow. 361 00:28:01,110 --> 00:28:02,110 I had my man. 362 00:28:04,870 --> 00:28:05,870 Friends. 363 00:28:09,550 --> 00:28:10,550 Now look at it. 364 00:28:11,170 --> 00:28:12,170 Eh? 365 00:28:13,570 --> 00:28:18,550 It makes my blood boil to see her march in here and act as though she was what? 366 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:22,160 The Queen of Sheba... Pardon me, what was she like, this? 367 00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:28,320 So... You think I'm after her? 368 00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:30,540 Well, 369 00:28:31,820 --> 00:28:32,820 you're right. 370 00:28:33,540 --> 00:28:34,560 Now, prove it. 371 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:26,390 We've run out of developers. 372 00:32:04,460 --> 00:32:06,440 Parrot should be charged, Hamish. The marina's a writer. 373 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,200 Lachlan. 374 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,680 You know, you just can't go around strangling folk like that. 375 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,920 What way would you like me to strangle her, then? Don't start. 376 00:32:22,060 --> 00:32:23,820 You're bloody lucky she's no press charges. 377 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,320 She made him do it. That's right, boy. 378 00:32:26,580 --> 00:32:27,580 Who unscrewed the wheel? 379 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,180 That's who you should be looking for. That's right as well, boy. 380 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,240 And how do you know it was unscrewed? 381 00:32:40,460 --> 00:32:41,460 Well, 382 00:32:42,260 --> 00:32:47,960 I just... I just, you know... 383 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:52,540 I just thought... 384 00:32:52,540 --> 00:32:57,580 Lachie, are you a complete plonker? 385 00:32:58,860 --> 00:33:02,120 When I get my hands on you... I thought you'd be pleased. Right! 386 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,379 You're beefing it. 387 00:33:05,380 --> 00:33:07,480 The Perrier. You for assault. 388 00:33:07,740 --> 00:33:12,120 You for writing and threatening notes. And for nailing crows to door. 389 00:33:12,780 --> 00:33:13,780 Okay? 390 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:26,520 Hello. 391 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,420 Detective Inspector Bruce, how are you, sir? 392 00:33:31,780 --> 00:33:32,780 Thittler Watch. 393 00:33:34,010 --> 00:33:36,710 Yes, well, we did have a small incident, sir, but it's all under control now. 394 00:33:38,550 --> 00:33:39,590 A sea trout? 395 00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:43,110 Well, I may just have one for you, sir. 396 00:33:45,210 --> 00:33:46,890 Not at all. Don't you mention it. 397 00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:48,750 Bye now. 398 00:33:50,590 --> 00:33:52,890 Hamish, um... Come on. 399 00:33:57,550 --> 00:34:03,110 Hamish, look, I did loosen our field nuts. A wee bit, but... 400 00:34:03,690 --> 00:34:08,550 I don't know anything about dead crows or notes or... The boy's telling the 401 00:34:08,550 --> 00:34:09,550 truth, Hamish. 402 00:34:09,870 --> 00:34:11,389 You couldn't spell crow, could you? 403 00:34:11,770 --> 00:34:12,770 No. 404 00:34:29,530 --> 00:34:30,530 Oppenheimer. 405 00:34:31,139 --> 00:34:33,179 Oh, what's wrong with my head? I've just remembered. 406 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:35,560 Abernheimer is a set of the Stuart clan. 407 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,960 If you just wait there, Mr. Abernheimer, I'll sort you out. As long as it's some 408 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,300 short red red, Callum, will you? 409 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:44,460 There's a lad. Oh, there you are, Mr. Abernheimer. Now, this is your royal 410 00:34:44,460 --> 00:34:45,679 Stuart dress card. 411 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:50,260 A very, very special reserve, this one. And for you, I think we're talking a... 412 00:34:50,260 --> 00:34:52,560 Come on, lads! Away with us to the level, Tom! 413 00:35:04,490 --> 00:35:08,090 Recover from yesterday, I see. Oh, let them come, Hamish, whoever they are. 414 00:35:08,090 --> 00:35:09,090 take them all off. 415 00:35:15,390 --> 00:35:17,830 She says it's lock doody or die. 416 00:35:19,430 --> 00:35:23,210 Hamish, you think you know a lot about girls, but you don't understand women. 417 00:35:24,470 --> 00:35:25,470 Oh, really? 418 00:35:26,570 --> 00:35:29,370 She could no more admit she was at fault than fly in the air. 419 00:35:30,050 --> 00:35:31,050 Hello. 420 00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:36,960 Not the right tone, son. 421 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:38,700 Will I take your joke now? 422 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:40,440 Nah. 423 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:41,720 Mission trip's cancelled. 424 00:36:25,060 --> 00:36:26,380 Not coming in, Hamish. 425 00:36:27,260 --> 00:36:28,600 It'll be quite a good show. 426 00:36:29,460 --> 00:36:30,780 I'm up to my neck in it, John. 427 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,240 He's sorted out this note thing, you know. 428 00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:35,620 Well, everybody from the village is here. 429 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:37,520 Yeah, I'm fine. 430 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,980 I don't know why she's got the chairs out. 431 00:36:53,770 --> 00:36:55,850 It's a ceilidh, not a bloody resuscitation. 432 00:36:56,250 --> 00:37:02,810 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this year's Beltane 433 00:37:02,810 --> 00:37:08,630 Ceilidh. You know I've been doing a bit of research, and with the help of Isabel 434 00:37:08,630 --> 00:37:09,570 Sutherland... 435 00:37:09,570 --> 00:37:15,810 I 436 00:37:15,810 --> 00:37:22,730 have discovered that according to the Loch Doolistner... 437 00:37:25,060 --> 00:37:31,800 According to the lockdown listener of May 1892... You know, 438 00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:33,580 I've just been thinking, Lachie. 439 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,400 Maybe you could rebuild that black house. 440 00:37:38,780 --> 00:37:42,060 Charge the tourists a fiver, a skull, to sit inside it. 441 00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:43,780 Do you reckon I'll get a fiver, dear? 442 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:45,620 Or maybe even six. 443 00:38:03,340 --> 00:38:04,340 It's a baffling joke. 444 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:07,500 Pure baffling. 445 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:29,140 So to open our musical evening, let us welcome Evadne McTurk of the Connaughton 446 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:30,580 Amateur Operatic. 447 00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:37,940 Scottish medley. 448 00:39:10,220 --> 00:39:11,940 Did you hear the planning boy was here today? 449 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:24,580 Oh, 450 00:39:24,580 --> 00:39:33,160 with 451 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:37,840 the power of the gift to gaze, they see ourselves as others see us. 452 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:30,320 Paul? 453 00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:21,750 Love you. 454 00:42:01,230 --> 00:42:02,230 Give me a bit of elbow. 455 00:42:51,310 --> 00:42:52,390 to the trail, partner. 456 00:43:00,670 --> 00:43:01,910 So what was it, Paul? 457 00:43:07,470 --> 00:43:08,470 Another woman? 458 00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:12,750 Boredom? No, no, no. 459 00:43:14,570 --> 00:43:18,250 I just wanted to get her to stop organising. 460 00:43:20,750 --> 00:43:25,290 I don't want to move again. Everywhere we go, she tries to run everything, and 461 00:43:25,290 --> 00:43:29,730 then she gets impatient when the locals won't follow her, and then we leave. 462 00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:32,510 So why didn't you say something? 463 00:43:33,170 --> 00:43:34,470 Why didn't you talk to her? 464 00:43:35,290 --> 00:43:36,290 Talk? 465 00:43:38,210 --> 00:43:39,210 Talk for years. 466 00:43:40,690 --> 00:43:45,150 I thought the letters might frighten her, make her come to me. 467 00:43:48,990 --> 00:43:49,990 What'll happen? 468 00:43:51,500 --> 00:43:52,840 Well, I'll depend on your wife. 469 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,420 1959, that's when it came to me. 470 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:10,140 I wrote a short story about a half -Pawnee, half -Scotsman, Luke Kincaid. 471 00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:15,340 I've never been there, you know. 472 00:44:16,540 --> 00:44:17,540 The West. 473 00:44:20,430 --> 00:44:21,610 in the further western Bristol. 474 00:44:31,110 --> 00:44:32,850 Can't face the ceilidh, Hamish. 475 00:44:36,950 --> 00:44:38,330 Well, look, Kincaid, we'd go. 476 00:44:43,090 --> 00:44:44,090 Would he? 477 00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,640 Getting lively on this thing, kid. 478 00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:22,280 You make a total fool of yourself, organising other people's lives for 479 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,020 Because I was too scared to tell you. 480 00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:28,540 Tell them now. 481 00:46:30,220 --> 00:46:32,220 Because I still love you enough to care. 482 00:46:36,500 --> 00:46:37,500 You didn't say. 483 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:39,480 You didn't ask. 484 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,640 Come on, you two. We need an extra couple for the eightsome reel. Willie! 485 00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:05,010 Come on Jock. 486 00:48:06,110 --> 00:48:08,870 Go and catch a trout and bribe that stupid inspector. 487 00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:39,250 Oh man. 488 00:48:40,390 --> 00:48:41,870 Doesn't get much better than this.